I had a boss a while ago, who did not, I repeat, did not get along with one of his peers. They did not agree on fundamental strategic issues and both seriously felt the other should report to him!
And … I was caught in the middle. I had to work with both of them and it was uncomfortable as hell. During my one-on-one’s with each of them, there was a solid 10 minutes reserved to bash the other one and I would sit there trying in vain to explain the objective position and the potential benefits if they agreed on some items and more importantly, chose to disagree and commit to each other!
There was a big meeting with the top leadership. I was really sweating it, wondering how it would turn out, considering the continued animosity between the two of them. A proposal was made on one item by a third leader, which was immediately shut down by my boss’s peer. I was holding my breath to see what my boss would come up with. I was sure that he would side with the original proposal and try to discredit his peer. Instead, he went on to praise his no-so-favorite peer against the other leader, for his amazing insights and not only did he agree with him, he doubled down to explain why the original proposal was bad.
What The Actual F?
The right, the wrong and the Frenemies
I have a lifelong fascination with math. I was helping my 15 year old son with his math quiz prep last night. After all was done, I fell asleep with my glasses on, my face on my iPad with the screen covered in my drool. My husband came by and said, “You missed 3 problems”. And .. I jumped up, totally wide awake. I could not believe he would stoop so low to wake me up and get me to bed!
Now, here is the biggest problem of being a math enthusiast. For the most part of my life, I have been completely uncomfortable with the concept of gray. Math is so succinct, pure and elegant! Right or Wrong. True or False. I have always had a hard time with gray.
Yet, the corporate world operates primarily in gray and the constant world of contradictions!
Hence lies the immense power of your frenemies!
I only knew two categories of people - friends and non-friends. I would always go all out for my friends, and always do my best for them. Non-friends … not so much.
However, the beauty of corporate politics and corporate dynamics is all about dealing with the non-friends. Nothing is more powerful than your frenemies, when you are trying to go for a sweeping, transformational change in the organization. The biggest leadership lesson I have learned is the power of influence and your biggest corporate asset in that game is your frenemies!
Getting comfortable with Gray
I am trying to teach my son to do laundry and sadly it is not going well. I sit down with him every weekend and explain that the first step is to separate your clothes in two baskets … lights and darks. And the biggest problem we have are with .. you guessed it … grays!
My son was very upset that I put one t-shirt on the dark basket, which he pointed out that I put the same shirt in the light basket the week prior.
We got into a discussion about the “Gray Algorithm” where my point of view was that grays can technically go in either bucket, and based on distribution of load, we should put them one way or the other. Clearly, he disagreed. And .. now you know one of the reasons why the laundry lessons are not going well.
Let me tell you how my Boolean brain deals with gray. I come up with “Gray Algorithms” based on the situation and try to adhere to them. Those are my personal compass, which are a must-have in corporate organizations, especially the ones with bad, political and toxic culture.
Why is it so important to be clear in your mind about Gray? Because, it lets you determine who you choose to be your frenemy!
Choose your Frenemies Wisely!
Remember the scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, where they had to choose the holy grail? Choosing your frenemies may not be that crazy hard, but it does have do-or-die implications on corporate strategy and decisions.
If you are playing politics to get to a desired end point, then you sadly don’t have a personal compass. You then become the biggest potential candidate to be a known enemy, at best a frenemy, but never a friend. Some of us are totally comfortable with that. Hats off to you that you can sleep well at night, because I cannot.
However, if you have a true conviction about a strategy or a critical initiative, which you BELIEVE will be for the greater good, then focus on how you need to create the influence in your organization to “sell” your idea. This is one area where I sucked consistently, because I only relied on my friends.
I have learned that the most important thing you have to learn is to choose your frenemies wisely. I assess my non-friends for common cause to figure out whether they can be my frenemies. We help each other based on shared goals and priorities. My most important lesson is to “disagree and commit”. And, when I commit, there is no lip service, political games, back talks. I commit. Period. I sincerely believe that this should be the code of conduct for frenemies.
Keep your friends close, enemies closer and frenemies closest! Frenemies are your biggest corporate assets!
In summary, understand that you cannot move the corporate needle only based on your personal clout and the support of your corporate friends. You know why? How many times have we gone out of our way to support our friends in large corporate forums? Never. When a senior leader who sits above you says something negative (or says in a most corporate-friendly politically suggestive way), not a single person in the room steps up to defend that person. Instead, we all say .. “Oh, I didn’t know”. Your corporate friends will go only so far. Here lies the power of frenemies.
Do not ever underestimate the power of corporate gossip. If you are not aware of it, you will be consistently blindsided. You need to understand the perception of your dynamics with other folks.
Your job is to be aware of it. People have their perceptions regarding who your corporate enemies are. It is an open secret. Nothing is more powerful than getting support on your most important strategic agenda from one of your “enemies”. Here lies the power of frenemies!
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