Winning at any cost — The curse of our times

Baby Boomers have shaped so much of the entire world and we should be unconditionally grateful. They have changed the corporate cultures, the social norms and the definition of success. I am grateful. But …..

A Winning Mindset

Baby Boomers have been professing about living life to the fullest. Find your purpose and go after it with all your might. Ultimately, it is all about winning. America has been leading the world after World War II, primarily based on the contributions of baby boomers.

The entire corporate language of leadership and winning has been changed based on the mindset of the baby boomers. We have gained so much.

Except ….

Winning at Any Cost

What are you if you are not a winner? Yes, you got it, you are a L-O-S-E-R! Who ever wants to be a loser? No one!

What we learned from the baby boomers is about singular focus to win. Win, at any cost.

And, that is exactly where I have a problem. A huge problem. What are we willing to sacrifice to win? Our morals, integrity, humanity? Looking at the world around us, it appears that we are willing to sacrifice everything, as long as we win. Sadly, the biggest conflicts of the world are still fueled and led by baby boomers. Even while they are aging, they are still orchestrating the narratives and pushing us to fight to win.

What is so wrong about winning?

Absolutely nothing. However, there is always a cost, and unless we are completely honest and aware of the cost of winning, we don’t understand what a “win” really means. Here lies the biggest problem. How do we define success and how do we define a win?

I have lived long enough to tell you that the definition of success changes over time. Same thing for a Win. What seems like a Win today may very well not be the case a few years down the line.

Now, what are we winning against?

That is a really good question! My son is a young Gen Z and it is absolutely fascinating to raise him and understand his point of view. For younger people, life has almost become a sport. A series of games we play. You have 2 choices, support Team A or Team B. That’s it. For everything we go through, somehow we have distilled our lives from the multiple choice questionnaire of life into a simple Boolean algorithm. You only have 2 choices. A or B.

It really does not matter what we are winning against. All that matters is, in the endless number of games you are playing, who are you choosing for each game?

A or B? More importantly, we seem to be playing numerous games, all at the same time, and for each game, the question is …. A or B?

Israel or Palestine? Russia or Ukraine? Biden or Trump? Democrats or Republicans? Microsoft or Apple?

Sadly, these games are now in every sphere of our lives.

How to become the “winning” supporter

I was trying to look up details of sports riots, and lo and behold, there is an entry in Wikipedia called “Sports Riot”, which lists 35 worst riots, 34 since 1909, 16 since 2000. Wow. Typically, the bad behavior is started by a very few people, but then it escalates like a wildfire. People join in because they feel that is how to behave to prove you are a true supporter.

When I was growing up in Kolkata, India, there were two main rival soccer teams, East Bengal and Mohan Bagan. Keep in mind, Indian soccer is not world class quality, and in those days, it was worse. Whenever I went to watch a match, I invariably came home with a voice so hoarse after screaming the entire time, I could barely speak for days! The idea is, you have to show your support as visibly as possible, to be considered a true supporter, right?

Similarly, we have to behave like the “winning” supporters for the endless games which are going on in our lives. We start with benign things like bumper stickers and signs in our front yard, and then we escalate consistently. Sadly, we have devolved social media into a vicious playground for the “winning supporters” who use the most disgusting language to go after each other.

Why do we feel compelled to “play these games”?

Simple. We believe that if you are not supporting Team A or Team B, then you are sitting it out. This is another thing we have been telling each other … “Inaction is not an option”. So, because Team C is not an option and every choice is Boolean, you have to choose one or the other. Sitting out is way worse than inaction!

 So, who do you support, President Biden or President Trump? In the world we are creating, “Neither” is no longer a valid answer! How crazy is it that we are making more and more decisions based on our personal judgment of “lesser of two evils” as opposed to finding the right solution.

The rhetorics which are being used for Pro-Palestine or Pro-Israel protests are, frankly, horrific! What we are witnessing in politics in America is similarly horrific. One team will have to win, AT ANY COST! And, we are getting more and more comfortable with the absolute catastrophe we are going to leave behind as a result.

Yet, Rivalry doesn’t mean killing each other!

One more thing we are trying to redefine in this process is the definition of Rival. Rival does not mean Enemy! Yet, the way we are playing these endless games, there are no rivals and we have nothing but a series of enemies!

Let me now talk about the two most notable rivals in sports history. Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Two greatest tennis players of all time, who are possibly the greatest athletes of all times as well. They have taken the sport of tennis to a new level and have shown us time and time again how they defy laws of Physics and produce sheer magic! They played each other a staggering 40 times!

The world was clearly split between Team Roger or Team Rafa. Yes, I was and still am a card carrying member of Team Rafa. It is so well-known that I received a full size cut out of Nadal as my farewell gift from a job I left!

Yet, Team Rafa never has ill feelings about Federer, and vice versa! You may ask why, and the answer is simple.

 Federer and Nadal are teaching a master class in mutual respect and friendship. Team Roger and Team Rafa learn from them and behave in a way which is all about respect for one another. And that is the key. That is the critical element which is missing in our quest to win each game AT ANY COST. It is becoming impossible to support any of the warring teams because there is not a drop of respect for each other. World is now dominated by hate. We only have enemies we are driven to destroy.

I would rather be a non-winner!

I am happily a non-winner in many aspects of my life. My personal “true north” is  non-negotiable. I would happily step away from any game, if my core values are threatened.

This is why strong collective culture is critical in today’s extremely divisive world. A leader’s job is to lead, but to also teach how to accept a loss gracefully! It is absolutely OK to create a winning team, but it is most critical for the leader to be explicit about what a “win” really means and what the non-negotiable codes of conduct are.

Let us build our next generation leaders who will lead responsibly. Otherwise, we are going to leave behind a world devoid of humanity.